Surviving The Holidays And Family While Pregnant

Pregnancy and the holidays landing in the same few weeks can be a lot. There’s the shopping, the extra cooking, the travel, the parties you feel obliged to attend, and family members who all seem to have an opinion about your bump. Add in tiredness, heartburn, swollen ankles and hormones that make you cry at adverts, and you’ve got a season that needs a bit more planning than usual.

The good news is that most of this is manageable with a few adjustments to how you think about the holidays this year. We’ve pulled together some of the best advice we’ve found from parents who’ve been through it, along with some practical points worth keeping in mind for your own safety and comfort.

Let go of the idea of a “perfect” Christmas

This is the tip that trips up the most pregnant women, especially first timers or anyone who’s usually the one who hosts, organises and does all the wrapping. This year, you genuinely don’t have to be that person.

This is not the only holiday season of my life, so why am I acting like it’s the end of the world that I cannot make it a perfect wonderland? My friends and family and even co-workers know what I am capable of and are the first to remind me that I’m pregnant and not to worry. At least once a day over the last week I have had to remind myself that I will make it up to them and myself next year. In a few weeks, the holidays will be over and life will return to normal. ~TiredOfBeingPregnant

Give yourself permission to do less. Buy the ready-made trifle. Ask someone else to host. Skip the elaborate table decorations. Nobody remembers whose house had the nicest napkin rings, but they will remember if you were exhausted and miserable trying to achieve it.

Build breaks into your day, not just your week

Pregnancy tiredness is different to normal tiredness. It creeps up fast, especially in the first trimester and again in the final weeks, and pushing through it tends to backfire later in the day.

You’ll probably have parties spanning the entire holiday season, not to mention shopping to do, presents to wrap, and loved ones to visit. All the hustle and bustle can be tiring for anyone, and downright exhausting when you’re pregnant. Make sure you’re getting the rest you need. Sneak in a nap before a big party. Put your feet up frequently and remember to give yourself a break! ~ModernAlternativeMama

If you’re going to a big family gathering, try to arrive slightly later or leave slightly earlier than everyone else, rather than staying for the whole thing out of politeness. A twenty minute lie down with your feet up before you leave the house can genuinely change how the evening feels. If your ankles or feet are swelling more than usual, or you notice sudden puffiness in your face or hands, mention it to your midwife rather than assuming it’s just “holiday feet”.

The emotional side catches people off guard

Nobody warns you quite how weepy Christmas adverts and family photos can make you when you’re pregnant. It’s a genuinely emotional time of year even without pregnancy hormones involved, and the combination can be intense.

…with the nostalgic Christmas films, emotion-fueled television advertisements, and countless family memories, Christmas has the potential to become a sob fest. Add to that the hormones, sleepless nights and anxiety of pregnancy, and you may just have a recipe for disaster. You may end up sobbing into your sprouts or even screaming across the spuds. Try to remember that the holidays are a time for heightened emotions, so it’s easy for things to get out of hand. Stay calm and try to enjoy your festive period. ~Health&Parenting

If you know certain topics or certain relatives tend to wind you up, it’s worth thinking in advance about how you’ll respond, or having a exit line ready (“I just need some air” works for most situations). If low mood or anxiety feels like more than the usual holiday overwhelm, especially if it’s persistent, don’t brush it off as “just hormones”. Speak to your midwife, GP or health visitor. Antenatal and postnatal mental health support exists for a reason, and there’s no need to just grit your teeth through it.

Let family do some of the heavy lifting

If you’ve got other children, holiday gatherings can actually work in your favour.

Being surrounded by a slew of family members that you only see once a year can be lovely and, at the same time, beyond stressful. Until that is, you realize what each of these people represents: free babysitters! If you’re pregnant and have small children, take advantage of this time to hand them off to their aunts, uncles, and cousins. ~RosiePope

Most relatives are genuinely happy to entertain the kids for an hour while you sit down, so let them. It’s also a good moment to be honest about what you need. If you’d rather not be the one running around after toddlers or lifting heavy serving dishes, say so plainly. People generally want to help, they just need to be told how.

Make gift giving as low effort as possible

You don’t need to prove anything to anyone this year. A simplified approach to gifts will save you time, money and standing in queues you don’t need to be standing in.

• Shop online where you can. You avoid the crowds and the queues, and you can do it from the sofa with your feet up.
• Skip elaborate wrapping. Gift bags and tissue paper look just as festive and take a fraction of the time.
• Keep a small stock of gift cards for anyone you’ve forgotten or last minute invitations. Nobody minds a gift card.
• If you normally bake or make gifts by hand, consider whether this is the year to buy instead. You can always go back to it next Christmas.

“No” is a complete sentence

You are allowed to turn down invitations, and you don’t owe anyone a lengthy explanation for doing it.

During the holidays, it seems like everyone wants to throw a holiday party. John and I were invited to quite a few this year, but we will only be attending one. Not only do parties take time away from your already busy schedule, but they can be quite exhausting for a pregnant woman. Decide which party or parties you really want to go to, and politely decline the other invitations. ~SincerelyMindy

This applies just as much to comments and advice as it does to invitations. Pregnancy seems to give some people permission to comment on your size, touch your bump without asking, or tell you their opinion on everything from your birth plan to your baby’s name. You’re allowed to say “I’d rather not discuss that” or simply change the subject. You don’t have to justify your choices to anyone, including well meaning relatives.

Food, drink and hydration at holiday gatherings

Staying hydrated genuinely matters in pregnancy, particularly if you’re rushing around more than usual or spending long hours in a warm, crowded house. Dehydration can make you feel dizzy, worsen headaches, and in some cases trigger Braxton Hicks contractions, so it’s worth keeping a glass of water nearby and sipping through the day rather than relying on tea, coffee or fizzy drinks alone. That said, if you notice regular, painful contractions or reduced movement from baby, don’t just assume it’s dehydration. Contact your midwife or maternity unit and let them assess it properly.

A few other things worth thinking about at family buffets and parties:

• Buffet food that’s been sitting out at room temperature for a couple of hours (cold meats, pâté, prawns, trifle) is best avoided, since pregnancy lowers your resistance to food poisoning bugs like listeria.
• Soft, mould ripened cheeses (brie, camembert) and blue cheeses are generally best avoided unless cooked through, along with unpasteurised milk products. Your midwife or a NHS pregnancy diet guide can give you the full list if you’re unsure.
• If alcohol is flowing, it’s fine to have a soft drink in hand and not explain yourself. A splash of elderflower cordial or fresh juice in a wine glass also stops people constantly offering you a top up.
• Don’t feel pressured to “eat for two”. Your appetite may genuinely increase, and that’s normal, but there’s no need to overeat just because everyone else is tucking into a second helping.

If you’re travelling to see family

Long car journeys or flights are common over the holidays, and most are perfectly fine in pregnancy, but a few practical things help. Build in more stops than you think you’ll need on car journeys, both for comfort and to keep your circulation moving. If you’re flying, check your airline’s policy on how many weeks pregnant you can be before you need a doctor’s letter, as this varies between airlines and tends to tighten up after 28 weeks. Wearing compression socks and getting up to walk every hour or so on longer trips can help reduce the (small) risk of blood clots. If you’re at all unsure whether travel is sensible for your particular pregnancy, run your plans past your midwife first.

Know the difference between holiday stress and something to check out

Most of what makes the holidays hard while pregnant is just tiredness, overwhelm and too much to do. But it’s worth knowing the signs that mean you should call your midwife or maternity unit rather than waiting it out, including: regular tightenings or contractions before you’re term, any bleeding, a sudden headache with vision changes or swelling, reduced or absent movement from baby, or a fever. If in doubt, call. Maternity units expect calls over the holiday period and would always rather check you over than have you worry at home.

Beyond that, the real tip is the simple one: this is one Christmas out of many, and it’s fine for it to look a bit different this year. Rest when you can, say no when you need to, and let the people around you actually help.

Have a tip that helped you get through the holidays while pregnant? Let us know in the comments.