DAD ALERT! 11 Ways to Soothe a Crying Baby

WHY BABIES CRY (AND WHY IT’S NOT A REFLECTION ON YOU)

Sooner or later your partner is going to want a few hours to herself. A haircut, a supermarket run without a baby seat clogging up the trolley, or just a coffee with a mate where she can finish a sentence. That means you’re on your own with the baby, and at some point, she’s going to cry. Possibly quite loudly. Possibly for reasons that make absolutely no sense to you.

Here’s the thing worth knowing before you even start: crying is just how babies communicate. In the first three months especially, it’s completely normal for a baby to cry on and off for a couple of hours a day, and some perfectly healthy babies cry more than others. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, and it definitely doesn’t mean you’re a bad dad. It means you have a baby.

If the crying seems unusually intense, goes on for hours at a stretch, or happens at roughly the same time every evening, colic might be behind it. This tends to show up between about 3 and 12 weeks old and usually settles by 4 months. It’s frustrating and exhausting, but it’s not dangerous. If you’re ever worried that something is genuinely wrong, rather than just normal fussing, speak to your GP or health visitor. Trust your gut on this one.

Below are 11 things worth trying. Some will work brilliantly one day and do absolutely nothing the next. That’s normal too.

1. STAY CALM AND KEEP EXPERIMENTING

If one thing doesn’t work, don’t panic and don’t take it personally. Move on to the next idea. Babies are individuals, so what soothes your mate’s baby might do nothing for yours. Give each technique a proper minute or two before writing it off, but don’t feel you have to stick rigidly with something that clearly isn’t landing.

Also worth remembering: your own stress rubs off on your baby. If you’re tense and rigid, she’ll pick up on it. Take a breath, drop your shoulders, and try to soften your voice even if you’re feeling frazzled inside.

2. WORK THROUGH A QUICK CHECKLIST

“First, find the source of the pain,” says David Templeton, father of two in Branford, Connecticut. | www.babycenter.com

Sounds obvious, but it’s easy to skip straight to bouncing and shushing without actually checking the basics. Run through this in your head:

• Is she hungry, or was her last feed a while ago?
• Does the nappy need changing?
• Is she too hot or too cold? Feel the back of her neck, not her hands, which are often cold anyway.
• Has she had too much stimulation (visitors, noise, bright lights) and just needs a quiet, dim space?
• Is she overtired? Ironically, an overtired baby often fights sleep and cries harder rather than settling.
• Could she need winding after a feed?

Working through this methodically takes the guesswork out of it and often solves the problem before you’ve even reached for the more theatrical techniques further down this list.

3. OFFER SOMETHING TO SUCK ON

A midwife taught me this one in hospital and it’s stuck with me ever since. Sucking is genuinely soothing for babies, it’s not just about feeding. With freshly washed hands, let her suck on the pad of your finger (nail trimmed short, obviously). A dummy works just as well if she takes one. It won’t solve everything, but it buys you a bit of calm to figure out what’s actually going on.

4. OFFER A FEED

Not for you, unfortunately.

If you’re on solo duty, always have expressed breast milk or made-up formula ready before you need it, not scrambling to sort it while a baby screams in your arms. Even if she was fed recently, a hungry cry is often the simplest explanation, so it’s always worth a try. If she’s not interested, you’ll know fairly quickly.

5. ROCK, SWAY AND SWING

“Babies love movement, and who better to swing them around than Daddy? When my daughter started to cry, I would swing her back and forth in her infant car seat,” says Eric Rimm, father of one in Boston. | www.babycenter.com

Gentle, rhythmic movement mimics what she felt in the womb, so it’s often genuinely calming rather than just a distraction. Try holding her upright against your chest and swaying side to side, or cradling her and doing a slow figure-of-eight motion with your arms. Pair it with a soft “shhh” sound close to her ear, it sounds odd but the combination of motion and white noise works for a lot of babies. Keep movements gentle and controlled, never vigorous shaking, which can be genuinely dangerous for a young baby’s brain and neck.

6. SWADDLE HER SNUGLY

Newborns often settle better when they’re wrapped snugly, since it recreates the tight, contained feeling of the womb and stops their own startle reflex (the sudden arm-jerk that can wake or upset them) from setting off more crying. Use a lightweight swaddle blanket, wrap her arms in but leave her hips free to move so they can develop properly, and always place her on her back if she’s going down to sleep. Stop swaddling once she starts trying to roll, usually somewhere around 2 to 4 months, as it becomes a suffocation risk if she rolls while wrapped. If you’re not sure how to swaddle safely, ask your health visitor or midwife to show you, it’s a quick thing to learn properly.

7. MAKE SOME NOISE OF YOUR OWN

No one else around? Now’s your moment.

“Bodily function noises. Horrific contorted faces. Spontaneous belly flops onto the nearest soft surface. Finally, there’s a positive outlet for the physical gags you’ve practiced since childhood.” | www.babycenter.com

White noise genuinely helps a lot of babies, whether that’s a hairdryer, a vacuum cleaner, running tap water, or one of the many white noise apps and machines made for exactly this. Consistent, low, rumbly sound tends to work better than anything sharp or sudden. If a bit of daft dad theatre gets a giggle instead of a scream, even better.

8. SING TO HER

While you’re swaying, try singing softly rather than talking. Slow, low, repetitive tunes tend to land best (think classic lullabies or something like Ray Charles rather than anything with a fast beat or sudden changes in volume). It’s not really about how good you sound, it’s the steady, familiar rhythm and the closeness of your voice that she responds to.

9. WEAR HER IN A CARRIER

“Between the warmth of your body, the rhythmic beating of your heart, the somniferous rise and fall of your breathing, and the gentle swaying motion as you walk, at least one of you should be asleep in minutes.” | www.babycenter.com

A front carrier or sling keeps her close, upright and moving, three things that tend to calm a fractious baby fast. It also frees up your hands, which is handy if you need to make a bottle or answer the door mid-meltdown. Make sure whatever carrier you use is fitted correctly, with her airway clear and her chin off her chest, and check the manufacturer’s weight and age guidance before you use it.

10. CHANGE THE SCENE

Sometimes the room itself is the problem, too warm, too bright, too much going on. Fresh air on her face often works surprisingly well, especially in the warmer months. A short walk in the pram or a stroll around the garden can reset things almost instantly.

If that doesn’t cut it, a short car ride is the next step up. The motion, engine hum and gentle vibration mimic the noisy, jostling environment of the womb, and plenty of babies conk out within minutes. It’s a bit more of a production though, so save it for when you’ve genuinely run out of other options. A couple of safety notes here: always use a correctly fitted, rear-facing car seat, never leave her in the car alone even for a moment, and if you’re overtired yourself, it’s not worth driving. Ask someone else to take over, or just wait it out at home.

11. TRY A WARM BATH

Warm water is soothing and distracting, and she gets clean into the bargain. Check the water temperature with your elbow or a bath thermometer before you put her in, it should feel warm, not hot, roughly body temperature. Keep the room warm too so she doesn’t get cold coming out. And the golden rule here: never leave her alone in the bath, not even for a few seconds to grab a towel. Have everything you need laid out within arm’s reach before you start, so you’re never tempted to step away.

WHEN TO GET SOME BACKUP

Most crying is just crying. It passes, and you’ll get better at reading her cues the more time you spend with her. But if she’s crying in a way that seems different from usual, if she’s got a fever, is refusing feeds, seems floppy or unusually hard to settle no matter what you try, don’t sit on it. Call your GP, health visitor, or out of hours line and get it checked. It’s always better to ask and be told everything’s fine than to wonder.

And if you’re just finding it all a lot, that’s worth saying out loud too, to your partner, a mate, or your health visitor. Looking after a crying baby solo for the first few times is genuinely tough. You’ll get the hang of it faster than you think.