No, Breastfeeding is Not Something Women Need to Hide

Back when this clip first did the rounds, it kicked off exactly the kind of argument that breastfeeding mums have every day on a much smaller scale: in cafes, on buses, in soft play, at family gatherings. Alyssa Milano appeared on the Wendy Williams Show and the two ended up in a proper back and forth about breastfeeding in public. Williams said she found it uncomfortable to watch. Milano, calmly and without losing her temper, pushed back on that.

It’s worth revisiting, not because either woman is right or wrong exactly, but because the exchange lays out almost every argument you’ll hear about breastfeeding in public, and it’s worth unpicking them properly rather than just picking a side.

What was actually said

Williams told Milano she didn’t want to see babies breastfed in front of her. When Milano asked what she’d do instead, Williams said she’d take her baby to the car to feed. Milano seemed genuinely thrown by this, asking, “You would feed your baby in the car?”

That response is more common than people admit. Plenty of breastfeeding mothers have fed a baby in a car, a toilet cubicle, or hidden in a corner somewhere, not because they wanted to, but because they felt watched or judged. If you’ve done this, you’re not alone, and it doesn’t make you overly sensitive. It’s a completely understandable reaction to feeling stared at while trying to feed a hungry baby.

Milano also raised the point that our culture is generally comfortable with breasts being shown in a sexual context, but far less comfortable with them being used for feeding. She referenced a red carpet photo of Miley Cyrus at the time. Williams’ response was blunt: to her, breasts were “more sexual than a feeding thing.”

That’s the crux of the disagreement, and it’s a genuinely interesting one, even if the TV segment format didn’t really allow either woman to explore it properly.

Is there really a double standard?

There’s something to Milano’s argument, but it’s not quite a perfect equivalence either. Breasts can be viewed differently depending on context, and a lot of that comes down to what we’re used to seeing and where. Someone can be uncomfortable seeing a baby feed in public and not be a hypocrite for enjoying a magazine cover, even if the two reactions do come from the same place: breasts being treated primarily as sexual rather than functional.

What’s more useful than arguing about consistency is understanding where the discomfort actually comes from. In a lot of Western countries, breastfeeding largely disappeared from public view for a few generations, as formula feeding became the norm through the mid twentieth century. That means several generations grew up rarely seeing a baby fed at the breast in a park, a shop or a restaurant. Discomfort, in a lot of cases, is simply unfamiliarity rather than genuine objection. That doesn’t make the discomfort someone else’s problem to manage, and it certainly doesn’t mean a mother should have to disappear to a car park to feed her baby.

What the law actually says about feeding in public

If you’re worried about your rights, it’s worth knowing the basics, though laws do vary depending on where you live, so check the specifics for your own country or state if you want to be certain.

• In the United States, every state now has some form of legal protection allowing mothers to breastfeed in any public or private place they’re otherwise legally allowed to be.
• In the UK, the Equality Act 2010 makes it unlawful for a business to ask a breastfeeding woman to leave or cover up, or to treat her less favourably because she’s feeding a baby.
• In Australia, breastfeeding is protected under the Sex Discrimination Act.

Laws do get updated, so if you’re ever unsure of your rights, it’s worth a quick search for your current local legislation, or a call to a breastfeeding support organisation, rather than relying on anything you’ve read online, including this.

Practical tips if public feeding makes you nervous

Knowing your legal right to feed in public is one thing. Actually feeling relaxed enough to do it is another. If you’re finding it stressful, a few small things can genuinely help:

• Practise at home first. Try latching your baby on in front of a mirror in the outfit you’re planning to wear out. Nursing tops, wrap dresses, or simply a top you can lift from the bottom often work better than button downs you have to unbutton from the top.
• A cover is optional, not compulsory. Some mums love a muslin or nursing cover, others find their baby fights it. Use one if it genuinely helps you feel comfortable, not because you feel you have to hide.
• Scout out feeding friendly spots. Many shopping centres, cafes and libraries have quiet corners or dedicated feeding rooms if you’d rather have some privacy. There’s no shame in using one, just as there’s no obligation to.
• Have a short response ready for comments. Something simple like “she’s just having her lunch” tends to defuse an awkward moment without inviting an argument.
• Feed early rather than waiting. A calm baby at the breast is far less disruptive than a screaming one you’re trying to settle while also trying to get positioned. Feeding at the first sign of hunger cues usually goes more smoothly than waiting until your baby is upset.

If you’re struggling with positioning, latch, or feel anxious about feeding generally, a breastfeeding counsellor, lactation consultant or your health visitor can help far more than any online article. Feeding difficulties are common and usually fixable with the right support, so don’t struggle on alone if something feels wrong.

The bigger point

Whatever you think of the Milano and Williams exchange, the useful takeaway isn’t really about who won the argument. It’s that a hungry baby needs feeding wherever you happen to be, and no mother should feel forced into a car, a toilet cubicle, or a stairwell to do it. You’re allowed to feed your baby in public. You’re also allowed to use a cover, find a quiet corner, or feed openly, whatever makes you feel most comfortable. None of those choices need defending to a stranger.