Caring for Your Adopted Baby: Tips and Resources

Congratulations, you’re a parent. Getting to this point probably wasn’t quick or easy, and however your child came to you, whether through domestic adoption, international adoption, or foster care, your heart is already fully theirs. But adoption brings its own particular set of adjustments, both for your baby and for you. Here’s what actually helps in those early weeks and months, along with some straight talk about the challenges nobody warns you about.

Give Your Baby Time to Adjust

You’ve been dreaming of this moment for a long time, but your baby or child hasn’t had the same lead-up. They’re being separated from everything familiar, whether that’s a foster carer, a birth mother, or the sounds and smells of an orphanage room shared with other children. Even very young babies pick up on changes in routine, smell, and touch.

Samantha Walker, associate director for international adoptions at Spence-Chapin adoption agency in New York, has pointed out that babies and children who’ve spent time in an orphanage are often used to sleeping in a room full of other children. When they arrive in a beautifully decorated nursery of their own and are expected to settle alone, many simply can’t do it. That’s not a behaviour problem. It’s a completely normal response to a huge change.

If you’re adopting an older baby or toddler, ask your agency whether you’re allowed to send a small care package ahead of your first meeting. A photo album of your family, or a soft blanket you’ve slept with so it carries your scent, can genuinely help a child recognise you as safe when you finally meet.

Keep the Nursery Simple, and Keep Baby Close

Don’t expect your baby to go straight into a new crib in a new room and settle happily on the first night. Most babies, adopted or not, need closeness at bedtime, but this is especially true for a baby who has just been through a big transition. Some adoptive parents find it helps to temporarily move the crib into their own bedroom, or to put a mattress or daybed in the baby’s room so someone can stay close until the baby feels secure. There’s no fixed timeline for this. Some babies settle in days, others take months. Follow your baby’s cues rather than a schedule you had in mind.

If you do want your baby eventually sleeping in their own room, it’s worth knowing that current safe sleep guidance recommends room sharing (not bed sharing) for at least the first six months, so keeping the crib nearby for now fits with safety advice too. If you’re ever unsure about sleep safety, your health visitor or GP can talk you through it.

Make Bonding Your Priority

Attachment isn’t automatic, even for biological families, and it can take real, deliberate effort with an adopted baby, particularly if they’re past the newborn stage. Spend as much time as you can in those early weeks being the one who feeds, comforts, and settles your baby. Many adoption specialists suggest limiting the number of different carers and visitors for at least the first few weeks so your baby can start to work out who their people are.

Small things matter more than they seem to. Make eye contact while you feed or hold your baby. Talk and sing to them, even if they don’t understand a word yet, since hearing your voice consistently helps them start to recognise you. Gentle touch, stroking a cheek, holding a hand, a simple massage after a bath, all help build a sense of safety. If your baby seems to enjoy water, bathing together (safely, with you fully supporting them) is a lovely, low-pressure way to spend close time together.

If you’re adopting a baby with a background of neglect or multiple placements, don’t be surprised if bonding takes longer than you expected, or if your baby seems oddly independent, avoids eye contact, or doesn’t seek comfort from you the way you’d expect. This is common and it doesn’t mean something is permanently wrong. It usually means they’ve learned, through no fault of their own, that adults aren’t reliable sources of comfort yet. Consistency, patience, and time tend to shift this, but if you’re worried, an adoption-competent therapist can help (more on this below).

Feeding Your Baby

How you feed your baby will depend a lot on their age and history. If you’re adopting a newborn and want to breastfeed, it is possible to induce lactation without having been pregnant, using a combination of hormonal preparation, pumping, and a supplemental nursing system, but it takes planning ahead of the birth and support from a lactation consultant experienced in induced lactation. Talk to a lactation consultant or your GP as early as possible if this is something you want to try, since the process usually needs to start weeks before the baby arrives.

Formula feeding is completely fine and is what most adoptive parents choose, particularly with older babies who are already established on formula. Ask your paediatrician or health visitor which formula suits your baby’s age and any known health history. If you’re adopting internationally, don’t assume you know what your baby has been fed. Ask your agency or the orphanage staff directly, since sudden changes in formula type can upset a baby’s digestion.

Skin-to-skin contact during bottle feeds does the same bonding work it does for biological parents, so hold your baby close, look at them, and try to feed them yourself rather than propping a bottle, especially in these first weeks.

Sleeping Peacefully

Newborns and older babies alike settle better with a predictable wind-down routine: a bath, a feed, quiet dim light, the same song or phrase each night. Swaddling can help very young babies feel secure, though stop swaddling once your baby shows signs of rolling. White noise can mimic the background hum of an orphanage or foster home if that’s what your baby is used to.

Be realistic about disrupted sleep in the first few weeks. Jet lag from an international trip, a completely new environment, and the emotional weight of the transition all affect sleep, for your baby and for you. Give it time before you worry that something’s wrong.

Medical Care Matters, Especially Early On

Book an appointment with a paediatrician as soon as you can after bringing your baby home, ideally within the first couple of weeks. If you can, find a paediatrician with specific experience in adoption medicine, since they’ll know what to look for in a baby with an unfamiliar medical and prenatal history.

For internationally adopted babies, this checkup usually needs to be more thorough than a standard newborn check. It’s common to screen for things like tuberculosis, hepatitis B and C, HIV, intestinal parasites, and lead exposure, along with checking growth, hearing, and vision. Vaccination records from abroad aren’t always reliable, so your doctor may recommend blood tests to check immunity or simply restart the vaccination schedule. This is standard practice and not a reflection of anything being wrong with your baby.

For domestic adoptions, ask your agency what medical and prenatal history is available, including any information about the birth mother’s health, substance use, or pregnancy complications, and share this with your paediatrician. Even partial information helps your doctor know what to watch for.

Understand the Real Challenges

Adoption is wonderful, but it’s honest to say it’s not without difficulty, and pretending otherwise doesn’t help anyone. Some babies, particularly those who spent time in institutional care or had multiple placements, may show signs of what’s sometimes called an attachment difficulty: they might seem unusually stiff when held, avoid eye contact, cry very little, or conversely be inconsolable. Feeding difficulties, sensory sensitivities, and delayed milestones are also fairly common in babies who spent time in under-resourced care settings.

None of this means your baby won’t attach and thrive. Most do, given time, consistency, and patience. But if you’re noticing signs that worry you, or your baby doesn’t seem to be settling after several months, don’t wait it out alone. Speak to your GP, health visitor, or an adoption-competent therapist. Early support makes a real difference.

It’s also worth knowing that adoptive parents can experience something similar to postnatal depression, sometimes called post-adoption depression, especially after the intensity and stress of the adoption process itself. If you’re feeling low, overwhelmed, or oddly disconnected from a baby you’ve longed for, that’s not a sign you’ve made a mistake. It’s a sign you need support, and there’s no shame in asking for it.

Resources for Adoptive Parents

You don’t have to work this out alone. A few places to start:

• Online communities: Adoption forums and Facebook groups full of parents who’ve been exactly where you are now, such as the Adoption.com Adoptive Parents Forum.
• Books: “The Connected Child” by Karyn Purvis is widely recommended by adoption professionals for understanding attachment and trauma-informed parenting.
• Support and advice for families: AdoptUSKids’ resources for families cover everything from attachment to talking to your child about adoption as they grow.
• Parenting classes: Many adoption agencies run (or can point you toward) classes specifically for adoptive parents, covering attachment, trauma awareness, and practical routines.
• Therapists and counsellors: A therapist experienced in adoption and attachment can support both you and your child, and can be brought in proactively rather than only once problems appear.

A Few Final Thoughts

“Family is not defined by our genes, it is built and maintained through love.” That’s true, but love alone doesn’t always feel instant, and that’s okay. Bonding with an adopted baby is often a gradual process built from thousands of small, ordinary moments: a feed, a bath, a song, a middle-of-the-night cuddle. Give yourself and your baby time. Ask for help when you need it, whether that’s from your health visitor, a paediatrician, or another adoptive parent who’s been through it. You’re not doing this alone, and the family you’re building is every bit as real and as strong as any other.