Funny Baby Care Tips For New Moms

There is so much advice out there for new moms. Sometimes you just have to laugh at it all and be as prepared as you can be!

Be Prepared For A Flood of Advice

“Be prepared for LOTS of unsolicited advice! Don’t get annoyed by it, just expect it. Women love to share what worked for them and share their stories of motherhood even when you don’t ask! Just take it with a grain of salt, throw out what advice you don’t like and cling to the advice you do!” -Stacey, I’m a Lazy Mom PopSugar

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About Your Bowels After Baby

You might think we’re going to give you a few tips on how to handle your tiny new poop rocket, but we’re going to focus on you. There is an undeniable truth about childbirth that no one will tell you, because if they did, we’d all stop having babies. After you have a baby, your bowels will go on hiatus — and when they finally give up their stubborn battle against you, it will make childbirth seem like a walk in the park…When your bowels freeze up on you after childbirth, mix equal parts of prune juice and 7Up (it’s not bad — it kind of tastes like Dr Pepper). Drink once or twice a day. You’re welcome. ~SheKnows

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About Your Breastmilk Leakage 

Start carrying a water bottle so that when your breast milk unexpectedly lets down, you can splash your whole chest with water and pretend you just finished a really great workout and are not, in fact, turning into a human geyser. ~RedBookMag

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About The Hit To Your Wallet

baby-204185_640Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income. ~Dave Barry

About Knowing Your Limits

Don’t try to accomplish too much in any given day. Aim for one thing: grocery shopping, unloading the dishwasher, a walk around the block. But not all three. ~Mommy Gearest 

About Dad’s Antics

“I had only been home from the hospital for a couple of days and was just finishing a shower when my funnyhusband screamed for me to come to the family room. I ran in and saw our daughter, Abigail, innocently lying on a towel on the floor. My husband jumped up and ran to the bathroom, and I heard him throwing up like he had a horrible flu. He walked out a few minutes later, went into our bedroom, and came out with a gas mask on. He said he had never seen anything like that — Abby’s first poop after the meconium. After that he changed her diaper with his gas mask on.” ~Melissa, Ohio BabyCenter

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As a new mom, your life will never be the same, but that is perfectly ok. You adore your little one. Just laugh!

“Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.”
~Ed Asner


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