Confessions of Sleep Deprived Parents

Sleep deprived parents do the darnedest things and the exhaustion you feel as a new mom is comparable to nothing you’ve ever experienced.

Here’s a few hilarious, and not so hilarious, things that exhausted moms have confessed to doing while sleep deprived:

#1. You pour cereal in your coffee cup.

#2. When someone is speaking to you, you politely smile all the time and hope it’s appropriate because you weren’t listening 80% of the time.

#3. Forgetting who’s who.

Some days you just can’t get it right. Your kids’ names are interchangeable with the pets’. Other days, you spend precious moments trying to fit your 6-year-old in your 3-year-old’s clothes or trying to burp the dog.

#4. Unusual storage solutions.

Finding baby wipes in the freezer is possible nowadays, and so is a dirty diaper in the fridge. You just can’t seem to figure out where things go and where you put them when you last had them.

#5. You are on auto-pilot constantly.

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#6. You have no idea what day or month it is.

#7. You can’t remember your phone number.

#8. You don’t have a phone because you broke it by throwing it at the wall when someone had the nerve to call during nap time.

#9. You’re attempting to soundproof the baby’s room.

#10. You are guaranteed to walk into the doorway no matter how big the door is; you have the bruises to prove it.

#11. You just woke up and had no idea you slept while showering, lying down.

#12. Your pajamas are your happy place.

#13. Everyone walks around on eggshells because they want to get through just one day without you crying.

#14. Everyone has to watch television with subtitles because any sound could wake the baby.

#15. You’ve either washed your face with glue or cleaned your teeth with glitter but lucky you, you were so tired you used your partners toothbrush.

#16. You spend over an hour every day arguing with your partner about who is the most tired.

#17. You just spent 15 minutes trying to find your phone only to realize you had it in your hand and you’ve been calling yourself trying to find it.

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#18. You’re secretly annoyed at everyone whose had a kid before you for not telling you babies come with brain loss.

#19. You secretly long for the insomnia you had while you were pregnant.

#20. It seems like you’re always asleep but with your eyes open.

#21. You are always at the supermarket or on the way there.

#22. You fall asleep in line.

#23. Your most desired fantasy is a hotel room with a Do Not Disturb sign.

#24. You believe sleep deprivation will be your cause of death.

#25. Fact and fiction have blurred. Is that poop behind the couch or are your eyes playing tricks on you?

#26. You have to continuously re-read every chapter of your book but you still have no idea what it’s about.

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#27. When you’re sleep deprived and have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee, you consider the cons of simply peeing yourself so you can sleep a little more.

#28. You put orange juice in your cereal but ate it anyway because making another bowl is just too much work.

#29. Breast milk or formula has ended up in your coffee, not on purpose, of course.

#30. You’ve pretended to need to poop so you can have a few minutes to yourself.

#31. You think a poop-cation is the best part of the day.

#32. You’ve lost your coffee in the microwave several times.

#33. You’re always hungry but never really hungry because you graze all day.

#34. Your favorite person is anyone who takes the baby away from you so you can have a nap.

#35. Finally, if hearing the phrase “sleep when the baby sleeps” makes you want to punch someone in the throat, you’re definitely sleep deprived.

Please share some of the absent-minded things you’ve done trying to raise your children.


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