Lets face it, keeping a brand new human alive is stressful, especially when their only way of communicating is through crying.
Jen Singer, author of You’re a Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren’t So Bad Either) and creator of MommaSaid.net, isn’t particularly fond of babies. “That’s because both of my sons’ first years were the most stressful for me,” she says. “They were colicky, one had reflux, and neither one slept through the night for a whole year.”
You will second guess everything and everyone, you will google things you never imagined and you will most definitely struggle. Apparently this state of confusion clears when your kid gets their own apartment, but that is still to be seen.
#1 Is my baby breathing
This happens to all parents. You will wake up in the middle of the night, in a cold sweat and run to your baby’s side to see if their little chest is still rising and falling. The cold sweat may disappear and become a controlled panic until your child turns 12 after which you’ll be running into their room to see if they are still there.
#2 Is my child suffocating?
The first time I put my infant in the Bjorn, I was certain his face was just smashed into my boobs (it wasn’t).I spent the entire walk pulling the carrier away from his body to give him the two inches of extra breathing room I was certain he needed. It was a very relaxing walk.
#3 Have I just caused irreversible spine damage?
This question will go through your head more than a few times.
“Oh my God, i just picked him up and didn’t support his neck, i heard something crack!” The only sound you are hearing is your own paranoia, your baby is fine.
#4 I’m starving my child
Hospitals do this thing where they require you to manically document exactly how much your child is eating (which is difficult to measure if you are breastfeeding). I brought this paperwork home with my first and was convinced I was starving him. I can’t be the only one, can I?
#5 Where’s my baby?
This does happen in real life but for the most part, this will be a recurring nightmare for a while. There you are having fun with your friends at a bar when all of a sudden you remember you have a baby and you can’t find him… luckily, your spouse wakes you up because you were screaming “where’s my baby?” in your sleep.
#6 This isn’t what poop should look like
Infant poop is strange to say the least. You will convince yourself that something is wrong and google other images of poop (of which there are many) Save yourself the trouble.
#7 Am I crushing him?
Squishy newborns bring in a whole new level of horror when it comes to everyday activities. Putting on a shirt, or seat belt can be a death defying experience.
#8 If I put this blanket on my baby, can he breathe?
I know this sounds ridiculous, but every mother out there will attest to thinking along these lines.
Share your panic stories below, we would love to read them.
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