If you’re a doting mom or dad and you happen to have a Twitter account, we’re going to bet you tweet about your kids – and not just about the joyful things, but the crazy, sometimes bewildering things they say and do!
So if you’ve just had a little bundle of joy, here’s a little snippet of what to expect (and expect the unexpected) on all things parenting.
1. Please tell me you found it like that?
I think my 2yo just brought me half a caterpillar.
— That Carly Girl (@thatcarlygirl) September 20, 2015
2. Because you’re worth it
Kids: Because having money, sanity, hair and personal space is overrated.
— Black Cat Bettie (@BlackCatBettie) September 20, 2015
3. Probably just went for a coffee
HER: HAVE YOU SEEN THE BABY?!?
ME: If he loves you, he'll come back.
— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) September 22, 2015
4. Dr. Google (or Yahoo)
the only thing worse than seeking medical advice on yahoo answers about your baby is probably being that baby
— Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) September 18, 2015
5. Solution: Fight with them!
One of many fallacies of parenting is believing that when they're teens they won't fight about things like who pushes the elevator button.
— Rock the Kasbah (@MarieLoerzel) September 23, 2015
6. Does not compute
I'm "We just got a new computer, so I'm really looking forward to my kid showing me all the cool features" years old.
— She's A Real Genius (@ShesARealGenius) September 21, 2015
7. Wax on, Wax off
*at PTA meeting*
Sir you're no longer allowed to attend your nieces kickball games.
Me: Why not?
PTA: You kept yelling "Sweep the leg"
— The Robfather™ (@thatUPSdude) September 22, 2015
8. I see a bright future
6yo, despairingly: "Why are kids always supposed to have fun? I just want to read!"
— Amy Shearn (@amyshearn) September 24, 2015
9. He’ll find out when he’s 35
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
— Mickey (@Hypercraxy) September 24, 2015
10. Confucius say…
Don't cry, lie or die.
*good talk kids*
— Busty Rusty (@RaylaRimpson) September 23, 2015
11. Pure genius
I construct complex pillow mazes for my daughter to nap in –
this way, she gets worn out and falls asleep as she's trying to crawl out
— Seamus O'flaugherty (@seamussaid) September 22, 2015
12. Hmmm… no
[getting kids ready for school]
5: Daddy, can I have a screwdriver?
"A screwdriver?! For what?"
5: I just wanted to fix my own hair.
— Я. (@iinkedZombie) September 19, 2015
13. Don’t taste it to find out.
I can't tell if I have poop or peanut butter under my fingernails. Both are totally possible given my morning. #nannying
— Christine Hassay (@ChristineHassay) September 23, 2015
14. Parenting Calculus
80% of parenting is calculating percentages of what parents do.
— ess bee fritz (@RandomAntics) September 21, 2015