What to Expect: 14 Hilarious Parenting Tweets!

If you’re a doting mom or dad and you happen to have a Twitter account, we’re going to bet you tweet about your kids – and not just about the joyful things, but the crazy, sometimes bewildering things they say and do!

So if you’ve just had a little bundle of joy, here’s a little snippet of what to expect (and expect the unexpected) on all things parenting.

Enjoy!

1. Please tell me you found it like that?

I think my 2yo just brought me half a caterpillar.

— That Carly Girl (@thatcarlygirl) September 20, 2015

2. Because you’re worth it

Kids: Because having money, sanity, hair and personal space is overrated.

— Black Cat Bettie (@BlackCatBettie) September 20, 2015

3. Probably just went for a coffee

HER: HAVE YOU SEEN THE BABY?!?

ME: If he loves you, he'll come back.

— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) September 22, 2015

4. Dr. Google (or Yahoo)

the only thing worse than seeking medical advice on yahoo answers about your baby is probably being that baby

— Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) September 18, 2015

5. Solution: Fight with them!

One of many fallacies of parenting is believing that when they're teens they won't fight about things like who pushes the elevator button.

— Rock the Kasbah (@MarieLoerzel) September 23, 2015

6. Does not compute

I'm "We just got a new computer, so I'm really looking forward to my kid showing me all the cool features" years old.

— She's A Real Genius (@ShesARealGenius) September 21, 2015

7. Wax on, Wax off

*at PTA meeting*

Sir you're no longer allowed to attend your nieces kickball games.

Me: Why not?

PTA: You kept yelling "Sweep the leg"

— The Robfather™ (@thatUPSdude) September 22, 2015

8. I see a bright future

6yo, despairingly: "Why are kids always supposed to have fun? I just want to read!"

— Amy Shearn (@amyshearn) September 24, 2015

9. He’ll find out when he’s 35

Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.

— Mickey (@Hypercraxy) September 24, 2015

10. Confucius say…

Don't cry, lie or die.
*good talk kids*

— Busty Rusty (@RaylaRimpson) September 23, 2015

11. Pure genius

I construct complex pillow mazes for my daughter to nap in –
this way, she gets worn out and falls asleep as she's trying to crawl out

— Seamus O'flaugherty (@seamussaid) September 22, 2015

12. Hmmm… no

[getting kids ready for school]
5: Daddy, can I have a screwdriver?

"A screwdriver?! For what?"

5: I just wanted to fix my own hair.

— Я. (@iinkedZombie) September 19, 2015

13. Don’t taste it to find out.

I can't tell if I have poop or peanut butter under my fingernails. Both are totally possible given my morning. #nannying

— Christine Hassay (@ChristineHassay) September 23, 2015