How to Rekindle the Romance after a New Baby

If you have a new baby at home, you know firsthand that romance is far from habitual. At least, not romance as it used to be. Romance after a new baby is hardly a high priority for new parents.

Your life has been taken over by spit up, poopy diapers, top knots, and exhaustion. What was once date night is now just another day surviving the arrival of a newborn. Instead of welcoming your husband home wearing just an apron while baking cookies, you now welcome him home with your spit-up covered baggy t-shirt and yoga pants (did I mention the top knot?). Most of yours and your husband’s energy now goes towards baby instead of each other.

So how does a couple manage romance after a new baby?

Our first suggestion is to broaden your idea of what romance is. Then broaden it some more. Romance looks totally different once children arrive on the scene.

We also want to remind you that keeping the romance alive in your marriage will not only help you be a better spouse, but it will also help you be a better parent.

“The happiest, most well-adjusted children come from a home where Mommy and Daddy truly love each other.” // Ellen Kreidman, PhD, a marriage counselor and author of How Can We Light a Fire When the Kids Are Driving Us Crazy? via

Aside from making time for sex, which we highly recommend, consider working hard to build romantic gestures into your natural ways of living (and yes, it will take work to recreate these as habits when you have forgotten to do so):

Romance After a New Baby

1. Hold hands. If you baby-wear, this is extremely easy (as well as easy to forget!). Go on a family walk a few nights a week and remember to hold hands. Hold hands while in the grocery story. If you have a stroller, link arms. Touch. Simple physical touch goes a long way for our romance-needs.

2. Kiss before goodbye. Every time. Every single time one of you leaves, whether for work or errands, kiss. Not just a simple and quick peck, but a deep and intimate kiss that says, “I love you forever and for always, even if it seems like I never focus on you these days.”

3. Notes. Notes can be so encouraging and romantic. Stick one in his briefcase/lunch sack/back pocket of his pants every day. Even something as simple as, “Can’t wait to see you tonight,” or “I love you,” or “Thank you for working so hard.” He will feel loved and cared for. Men, you can also do this! Leave her little notes here and there, in the diaper bag or on the table. These little gestures take about 30-45 seconds but speak volumes.

4. Reconnect 5. Plan to take 5 minutes every day to reconnect. Sometime in the evening or before work, spend time looking one another in the eyes and really hearing how you are each doing. Ask one another the highs and lows of the day, your goals for the day, simple things that reveal you care for one another still. You two are a team, so work together and reconnect together. Even if for just 5 focused minutes.

5. Just Because. Remember those days? The Just Because days? Most likely they were when you were dating and newlyweds. Just Because flowers, notes, kisses, cookies, walks together… you name it. Try to do one Just Because every single week.

We root you on, you love birds! Light that fire! Romance after a new baby isn’t impossible. You can do it. It’s worth it.



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