5 Things I’d Really Like People With No Kids To Know

There are countless articles, editorials, blogs and so on, describing all the things people wished they had told their former selves, prior to having children.

“But is this really helpful? Is it really necessary to give our single friends the lowdown on all the things that suck about having kids? The messes, the tantrums, the sleeplessness, the confusion? And are we really preparing them for what lies ahead?” // www.huffingtonpost.com

It’s the old mentality of “ohh, you wait and see!”.  People saying to you “I hope you’ve enjoyed sleep, because you’ll never sleep properly again!”, and so on. The fact is you’ll survive, and is it really as bad as people keep making it out to be? Well…

In saying that, Stephanie Sprenger from www.stephaniesprenger.com couldn’t help but ‘indulge her inner hypocrite’, giving us an example of advice she would give her childfree friends about the things they should appreciate in regards to their pre-child life.

Let’s begin…

Errands used to be cool

For the time will come when even stopping for gas will seem like more trouble than it’s worth. Savor the fact that you can wake up, roll out of bed, and tick off your errands in smooth, seamless style.

The Bank: Check

The Store: Check

The Post Office: Check

For when the time comes, these simple tasks will require the coordination power of the elite NASA engineers and systems analysts.

Errands used to be cool
Source: www.images.google.com

Sleep like you mean it

Seriously. Enjoy it. Sleep until the sun sets again the next day. Oh, it’s Saturday morning? Enjoy the feeling of getting out of bed, taking three steps, realising you have nowhere to be and jump right back into bed for another six hours.

Soon, you will wake up to a screaming mini human dragging you out of bed and demanding to be taken to the waterpark.

Enjoy talking to other adults on the phone one last time

You know that time when such and such called and you simply picked up the phone casually and calmly, and engaged in friendly conversation with them? In peace? I don’t.

Enjoy the sound of silence. That is, nobody screaming in the background. Actually, appreciate the fact that you have a working phone, one that hasn’t suffered the inevitable fate of being thrown off the counter, smashed with a toy hammer or dunked into a bowl of milk and cereal.

Be Happy. Go to Happy Hour

“Happy hour is soon to become crappy hour, a time of day that neither you nor your significant other will want to be left alone with your children.” // www.huffingtonpost.com

This happy time will inevitably be replaced by whining kids, rushing to get dinner ready and all round crankiness.

Be Happy. Go to Happy Hour
Source: www.cdn.meme.am

Eating used to be a pleasant time

The best analogy:

“Imagine you are a waitress and the only meals you are allowed to eat take place at your restaurant. While you are still working. While you eat, you are expected to continue to wait on your customers, providing for their every need. But these aren’t the friendly, tidy, appreciative customers. These are the messy dipsh*ts who are dissatisfied with their meals, spill and break things and always need another side of ranch. Bon Appetit!” // www.huffingtonpost.com

In reality, single people aren’t going to be walking around thinking to themselves “what a great time to be alive, I can go to the movies quietly, pop out to the gym if I feel like it, eat my meals in blissful silence, and so on.

In hindsight, people will look back on and realise how easy they had it, just like now myself looking back to my high school days with not a worry in the world, or in 50 years when I’ll look back and appreciate my physical capacities more.

You never know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone, and the grass is always greener.



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