19 rules to live by when you have a toddler

Your little bundle of joy comes along and everything about them is magical. The first steps and first words are considered pure magic but what is even more amazing is when your baby’s personality starts to emerge.

These tiny little personalities can easily take over the house and before you know it, mayor toddler’s rules are law. If you want to survive toddler town, keep the rules below in mind.

As you can see, your dictators demands are pretty clear cut.

Rule #1

Toddler town is a dictatorship and your toddler is the dictator. Your dictator may seem cute but if you violate any of the laws the tyrant will appear.

Rule #2

The laws of the land are subject to change at a moments notice and they will be changed.

Rule #3

You will have my breakfast ready for me the moment i open my eyes, failure to which will result in whining

funny toddler rules

Rule #4

All food is my food. Even if i have the same exact food on my plate as you do, you will feed me off whatever plate i choose to eat off.

Rule #5

You will not use the potty in private. All trips will be supervised by me. Any attempt to the contrary will result in the bathroom door being kicked down.

Rule #6

On some days, you will be required to carry an open umbrella all day regardless of whether its raining or not.

Rule #7

The day you’re running low on diapers or forget to carry the diaper bag is the day i will soil myself worse than you’ve ever experienced.

Rule #8

Popsicle soup is the best way to eat a Popsicle stick.

Rule #9

I will embarrass you in front of other people. At the playground if other children have better treats than i do, i will mooch treats off them

I will embarrass you in front of other people

Rule #10

You have to re-read any book of my choosing as many times as i see fit and with sound effects.

Rule #11

Everyday i will ask you if i can poop somewhere strange like behind the fridge. Everyday!

Rule #12

You will sit where i want you to sit.

You will sit where i want you to sit

Rule #13

I will not ride in my stroller but instead push the empty stroller. Do not help me in any way, do not even touch it, its my stroller.

Rule #14

Bedtime must be exactly the same every night, or i won’t go to sleep

Rule #15

I will only sleep on top of my blankets

Rule #16

I must sleep with the red spatula or whatever item i feel attached to on any given day.

Rule #17

I must have two sippy cups at all times. One with milk and one with water. I may not drink them, but I must have them.

Rule #18

I must lick each cube before it goes in the bottle (to make sure it’s cold).

Rule #19

Mother will hold my feet when I poop. She must hold them in the exact same way every time. There will be no substituting.


“Now stop what you’re doing and come wipe my butt.

-your darling child.”


What are mayor toddlers’ rules in your house?


First published at community.today.com

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