A Parent + Twitter = Hilarity
The funniest tweets from parents on Twitter this week!
1. At least he wiped his hands
Me: Good morning!
6yo: *walks up, uses my shirt to dry his hands, walks away
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 12, 2015
2. The answer is always YES!
3yo son: Mommy, is this dangerous?
Me: Yes!! If you are asking me, it is likely dangerous.
— JustTwinsane (@JustTwinsane) December 16, 2015
How do I wrap presents quickly? I do a horrible rush job then have the kids tape the corners so they tell everyone they wrapped it.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) December 14, 2015
4. Soccer Mom Win
Leave it to my daughter to put on a fashionable scarf before going out to build a tree fort.
— Sara (@soccerskiingmom) December 5, 2015
5. Hopefully the kids don’t catch on to my idle threats
We've hit the part of the holidays where the amount of gifts I've threatened to take away is more than the amount actually under the tree.
— The Dose of Reality (@TheDoseTweets) December 11, 2015
6. You have no one to blame but yourself
*Lets kids decorate with tinsel*
*Vacuums for all eternity*
— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) December 15, 2015
7. The struggle is real
Me: Brush your teeth.
3-year-old: I brushed yesterday.
Me: You have to brush every day.
3: *flops on the floor* Why is life so hard?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 14, 2015
8. The human handkerchief
When you become a parent, every part of your body becomes a tissue for someone to wipe snot on.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) December 13, 2015
9. White lies
Yes, I'd love to watch you do a handstand for the millionth time.
*lies parents tell
— Rock the Kasbah (@MarieLoerzel) December 16, 2015
10. Failure to launch
If there's one thing children have taught me it's how to count down from 5 while pretending there's a huge consequence if I ever reach zero.
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) December 11, 2015
87% of raising a teenage girl is telling her to quit rolling her eyes at you; the rest is not letting her see you do that to her dad
— MerriLea, MerriLea (@Celestinelea90) December 16, 2015
12. Gotta give her props
I wouldn't normally let my 2nd grader wear make up to school, but I was so impressed with her mascara job I let it slide.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) December 16, 2015
13. Lateral thinker
My son just told me that he wants to invent time travel…to find out where he put his candy cane. This is #parenting.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) December 14, 2015
14. He ain’t right but he ain’t wrong!
Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to school every day?
Me: Because they watch you for free for 7 hours
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) December 16, 2015
15. Toddler chic décor
If the bottom half of your tree doesn't have any ornaments, you might have a toddler.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) December 15, 2015